It's no revelation that alcohol can temporarily change the way people act. Specifically, the depressant is thought to exacerbate underlying behaviours via the dulling of certain social inhibitions. And from anecdotal evidence, I would agree: after a drink or two, I speak more freely, I'm generally more comfortable with my surroundings, my typical social reservations seem to .. go away for a bit.
Interestingly, an opposite effect seems to happen when I drink caffeine (a stimulant). Consistently, a few hours after I drink a decent amount of caffeine, my mind races for a bit and I find that I am hit by a wave of anxiety. This is then followed by a bout of self-loathing, an episode which I'd obviously prefer to be absent.
It worries me. I mean, it wouldn't if these were just primary effects of caffeine. What worries is me that these effects are secondary to caffeine wherein my stimulated psyche propels me through a pocket of negativity normally shrouded by my mental defences. That perhaps, under the placid surface of which I am conscious, there are secret woes, deeply seeded in dark recesses. I worry that there are hidden demons lying in wait, biding their time until my normal barriers are temporarily weakened so that they may burst out into the light to pillage and plunder mercilessly all that I have carefully ordered over the years.
But.. I might just be being melodramatic, as I am oft to do. Merely making a mountain out of a molehill in an otherwise plain and mundane life.
